Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Coming Clean

    This is a message to the transgressor in disguise. A few posts ago, I addressed the victims of infidelity with a plain and simple notion-- "you didn't deserve it." No bullet points, no ten tips for a better marriage, just a brief reminder that you didn't earn this betrayal. No one warrants this kind of sorrow, no matter how imperfect you may be. Today, I am turning to the ones who have strayed, and I am pleading for honesty if you haven't come clean.

      Hannah and I get a lot of feedback from this blog. The vast majority of our interactions are with women who have been wronged by their husband. This is no coincidence, I suppose. Does this mean that women never stray? Of course not, but the deafening silence of men must mean something. In any case, it's undeniable that there are some people reading this blog that have profoundly faltered, and it's time to face your true condition so that you can take the beginning steps to correcting your course.

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    If you are reading this blog right now and you are concealing some kind of betrayal from your partner, now is the time for action.  If you've been waiting for a sign or some kind of inner voice to shake you from your sleepwalking, this is your wake-up call. Arise and do what's right to change your course, because you are on a path that leads to destruction.

   Confession is not the end of your life, it's the beginning of it.  It is empowerment through surrender. If you are hiding an affair or some other wrongdoing, you have become a captive to your own mistakes. Someone once told me a profound truth -- if you can't discuss the issue, it's become to big for you. When you lose your ability to face the problem, then it has become a burden that's too heavy for you to shoulder. I couldn't agree more.

   Holding onto your secrets is an illusion of control. In reality, the parasite is controlling you. Come clean, and you will gain your life back by losing it.  Confession is empowerment through surrender. Every moment that you waste before repenting is another instance of betrayal. 


   Real confession requires radical, comprehensive honesty. Do not withhold the details that your partner demands for fear of losing them. They have been wronged, and this healing process must begin on their terms.  Leave no question unanswered and be totally open, because the future of your marriage hangs in the balance.

   Do not delay in doing what is right -- come clean. There's no better time than now.

You are reading The Meaning of Repentance, a blog about The Hartsfields and their journey to recovery after an affair. Check out this brief introduction and make sure to get connected.

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