Note: This is my first official post on The Meaning of Repentance. Beware: I am not a writer like my husband. So bear with me! - Hannah
On February 27th, of 2012, my life changed forever. My husband and I had been experiencing some turbulence in our marriage and I knew that something big was about to shake the foundation of our relationship. I had no idea that it would be this major of an issue. My husband came home on the night of the 27th and confessed to an affair with a coworker. Never in a million years did I expect for this to happen. But there we were, dealing with the aftermath of this heartbreaking tragedy. So what did we do? How did we survive?
I could share all the details of what happened, how it happened, and how I responded but I don’t think that it would be helpful. What I do want to share is a very real concept that could save your marriage... if you choose to embrace it.
If you find yourself in the unfortunate situation of dealing with infidelity in your relationship, whether you’re the transgressor or the victim, you need to decide right here and now that you are going to fight with each other to save your marriage. My husband has blogged about this idea in the past, but I wanted to write about it from my perspective as well. The idea is simple:
I'm going to fight.
Both husband and wife need to decide that they are going to put everything they have into fighting for their marriage. This may mean that other things get put on the back burner for a while. Ray and I put everything on hold for the first few months of the healing process. We worked and took care of our family, that was it. Our hobbies, friends, church activities, etc., all became last on the priority list. Our focus was survival.
Very early on, I made a decision that I wasn’t going to wallow in the victim mentality. After experiencing this kind of betrayal, it is natural to want to crawl under the covers and never face the light of day again. That can’t happen. Not if you want to survive this. Not if you want to defeat this very real threat that could rip your marriage and your family apart. I chose to fight with my husband to salvage our relationship.
For me, this was only possible through the power and strength of the Holy Spirit. Jesus is my ROCK and without Him, I would not have been able to carry this burden. I know that not all of our readers are Christians, and that’s ok! We don’t ever want this blog to become a platform for preaching at people. But in the spirit of transparency, I can’t tell my story without mentioning Jesus.
Only by the grace of God are we still fighting this battle together. It will be so easy to turn against your spouse throughout this journey. As the victim, you’ll want to attack the person that has broken your heart. As the adulterer, you’ll want to fight back and defend yourself against those attacks. Neither can happen if you want to make it out alive. Fighting against each other will kill your marriage. Fight together.
Take a few minutes to watch this video: Cheater. *Disclaimer* This video may be hard to watch, but it contains a valuable perspective on this issue. Resolve to fight for your spouse and for the future of your marriage, because it is a battle worth waging.