So you've been betrayed. Your marriage vows have been dishonored and the world around you seems to be spinning. Today, I want to share a little bit about Hannah and I's journey through the issue of broken trust. Trust is a commodity in a marriage, and we've all heard that once it's been broken, it can be challenging to mend. Well, that's the understatement of the century in my observation.
A person's word has a sense of equity, and it can either gain or lose value. Dishonesty is so heinous because it cheapens the words of the person who weaves a lie. On the night of my confession, we were facing the bankruptcy of our marriage in terms of trust. I was insolvent. How could we proceed under the constantly looming shadow of all my lies? As we sat, trying to sort out the path before us, a simple concept stood out in my mind.
I heard a sentence bouncing back and forth in my head, so I said it aloud. "In the absence of trust, we will accommodate." Maybe it would take months or even decades to restore value to my words, but I knew that I had to remain willing and open to accommodations to survive the coming weeks.
This can mean a lot of things. Maybe it amounts to handing over your
smartphone, reporting your whereabouts, or even quitting your job. I'm here to tell you today that your marriage is worth accommodating if trust has been broken. No cost is too high when your relationship hangs in the balance.
Accommodation is not a thing of shame, it is a brick on the road to your
recovery. No matter how awkward, navigating through the harsh reality
of broken trust means you're getting one step closer to healing... so keep walking.
Do not be misled by the culture around us that clamors for married couples to maintain distance -- separate logins, hidden bank accounts and distant lives. That's not an option right now. Embrace these changes as a battle for your relationship's survival. A loss of privacy is a small price to pay.
In the absence of trust... accommodate. If you've betrayed your spouse, become exceedingly honest with them as a sign of goodwill. Refuse to be merely reactive, choosing instead to be proactive. If you've been betrayed, search your soul for the remedy you need to regain trust, and don't be afraid to ask for it.
Your marriage is worth it. Perhaps having your email account scoured is uncomfortable, and maybe a loss of freedom is inconvenient, but let's keep the big picture in mind. Your marriage is worth accommodating. Don't let your pride or sense of personal space rob you of a beautiful future.
We've done a lot of accommodating, and I'm not afraid to admit it. I'll spare you the fine details, but if you want to discuss this with me or Hannah, you can always reach us at firstname.lastname@example.org. We write this blog because we care about you, so don't hesitate to contact us. If you are navigating through the obstacle course of distrust, we're praying for you. You can always rest assured that you're not alone.
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